What is panic disorder?

Panic disorder is somewhat like an allergic reaction:  Just say you are allergic to peanuts.  You actually do not have an allergic reaction the first time you have a peanut.  It is only with the second and subsequent times that you are exposed to peanuts that you experience a bad reaction.  Panic disorder (in its typical form, I guess) follows this same pattern.  The first time you have a panic attack you are absolutely terrified for your life and don't know what is happening to you...but then it ends.  You survived.  You do not have panic disorder.  It is the next time, or next few times when you realize that this horrible experience, this feeling of being out of control, not knowing what is happening to you comes at you again and again.  And the timing is completely unpredictable.  And you are worried about when the next attack is going to come and how bad it is going to be.  That is panic disorder.

I had my first panic attack at a restaurant.  I had this horrible sense of impending doom, I started shaking and felt really dizzy.  My vision started to go out and I thought I was going to die.  I had no idea what was happening to me but it was unbelievably scary and confusing and terrible.  I somehow made it home and laid on the couch where I went between periods of extreme cold and extreme heat while visibly shaking uncontrollably.  My heart was racing.  I felt like I was going to pass out cold at any second.  That night I could not sleep at all.  Every time I would start to feel tired, I think my body interpreted it as passing out – a bad thing rather than just normal sleep - and I would have another wave of intense fear and heart palpitations and shaking.  But over the course of the next few weeks I went to the doctor, got checked out and found out that what I most likely experienced was a panic attack.  After a while I was able to get back to complete normal.  I'm talking absolutely completely normal.  

That lasted for about 3 months.

My second panic attack was in a theater.  I was sitting in almost the exact middle, with at least 5 people on either side of me.  I had the same wave of intense fear, my head hurt, my vision was blurry and I left the theater and went home.  After some time I realized that no, I was not having a medical emergency, this was actually another panic attack.  I could not believe that this was happening to me again.  I thought that little panic attack episode was way behind me.  I did NOT want to feel like that ever again.  I would therefore avoid any place or activity that would make me feel that horrible and that scared.  That is panic disorder.